I am addicted

Have you ever felt as if some temptations are too strong to overcome, like you cannot pull yourself up by your boot straps to overcome the evil that Satan wants you to do? We are creatures of habit. Sometimes we form good habits (virtues) and sometimes our fallen nature is more visible in bad habits (vices). Bad habits can become harmful addictions where we become enslaved by the habit. Have you ever felt like you are praying the same prayer over and over, “Lord please help me. I don’t ever want to do that again”?

A temptation can come in the form of a passing thought or the offer of another person, but addiction can form when we submit to temptation. During Lent, I know many people employ new techniques to stand strong against temptation. Just like soldiers go through intense training in boot camp, some people elect to employ spiritual training to condition their soul to resist sin and temptation better. Some people use distraction techniques like finding something positive to do to take our mind off what tempts us, something like physical exercise. Some people utilize accountability partners- having someone to call or text whenever we feel tempted. I like to pray when I feel tempted. But, I have noticed something more is needed to battle addiction. I need to admit I am weak and say something that is hard to say, “I can’t win”. No matter how hard I try, I keep doing what my spirit hates (Rom 7:15).

Sometimes God lets us struggle with addiction because we need to grow in humility. Some addictions we may take to our grave. It is the journey of struggling against the sin, it is the way we give ourselves to God while we struggle against the sin that God uses to save us. Freedom from addiction is not about exerting enough will power, but rather trusting in God’s love, mercy, and providence. I’ll give an example. You used to hear about prison breaks before our prisons became so technologically advanced. I have been on the inside of a maximum security facility- no one gets out unless someone lets you out. Addiction grabs us and holds us and we are not getting out without help from someone with more power. Some people see how addiction is like being in prison but they never see how God can break us out and set us free (Gal 5:1). Even with God’s grace, we might stay addicted and continue to repeat the bad behavior, but if we are offer holy resistance, God uses our struggle to purify our hearts. This resistance takes the form of immediate contrition after a mistake, a firm decision to sin no more, and dependence on the sacraments for strength, especially Reconciliation. We may lose the battle but we are winning the war- our destiny is heaven where there will be no substitute for God.

I am not just talking about food, drugs or sex here, but these are the most common vices to fall slave to. Although I have not played one in years, I used to be addicted to video games. I used to plan every day around video game time. I depended on them to cope, not God. In order to break the habit, I had to form positive good habits to replace it. Now I enjoy board games and the discussions that go along with them. Game time still helps me alleviate stress but now I plan my day around prayer time, family time, and exercise. Playing games gets the leftover time if there is any.

When I have been enslaved to a vice, I remember going to confession over and over, confessing the same sin wondering if God’s grace was ever going to kick in. What I realized is that I was being transformed by the process of struggling against the bad habit. I had to stop acting as if I could overcome this habit by praying enough, confessing the sin enough times, or wanting it badly enough. I got frustrated because I treated my spiritual life like everything else in life. But I could not get the immediate results that I craved; I had to be patient, trusting that through my dependence on Him, God was transforming me, even while I suffered through feeling helpless.

God lets us suffer through addiction, so that we will more fully rely on Him. Confessing the same sin is humiliating but it can aid you in admitting that you are powerless, and that admission has immense spiritual fruit. I found great benefit in being able to vocally tell a person about my struggle. It made it more real and it made it harder for me to rationalize. Of course it helps even more that the person I turned to was standing in for the Person of Christ in the Sacrament of Reconciliation!

Satan is stronger than us but we know the way the “temptation/addiction” story ends. We must dust ourselves off and accept that we are God’s child and trust that we are being formed by the suffering of rebelling against the addiction. Like a hopeful prisoner wrongfully imprisoned, we struggle to set ourselves free, knowing that it is only a matter of time before we “break out” (The movie Shawshank Redemption is a must see for this reason!) We are heaven-bound and although we may lose a battle or two, we are winning the war. We are saints in the making, and no temptation, no addiction can stop us unless we let it.