Our Parent Who Art in Heaven?

Growing up in a world of women, I have rarely doubted my worth or abilities.  My parents divorced when I was 8 and we moved to where my great-grandma, grandma and 2 of my aunts lived.  We’re a matriarchal family, for years everything revolved around my Granny Mary (my mom’s grandma) and after she passed away it was all about her two daughters, Jeanie and Mary Lou.  My mom also has 5 sisters.  The men in their lives weren’t always constant, either because of death or divorce or even personality (extremely introverted and shy), and so the women were the ones running things.  As a girl, growing up surrounded by all of these wonderful women was awesome.  They taught me about strength, perseverance, determination, joy, family and of course love.  They all poured in to me all that they could and that is something I am very grateful for.  They gave me all that they had, but the thing that they could never give me was the love of a father. 

After my parents’ divorce, and probably even before, my father wasn’t around.  For a wide variety of reasons, he wasn’t able to be the father that I (and my brother and sister) needed.  I would see my friends with their dads and know that I was missing out.  I used to love the Cosby Show because I thought Cliff Huxtable was the ideal father and I wished I could call him dad.  I tried to fill the emptiness from the lack of a real relationship with my father with sports, activities, and relationships.  None of them worked.  It wasn’t until I met a King that I found my Father.

In college I saw the Lion King, and the words of King Mufasa, to his child, Simba spoke to my heart.  In Mufasa’s words I heard the voice of God Our Father, to His child Gretchen.  There are countless things about that movie that I love and that really speak to me, but two of the most important are when Mufasa says “You are more than what you have become” and “Remember who you are. You are my son”.  Of course, I’m a girl, and God knows that, so I heard “remember who you are.  You are my daughter.”  God used this movie to reach out to me in a way that nothing else could and the crazy thing is, He used what I trusted least- a father, a male, to show me His love. 

The constant love of my Father in Heaven has helped heal the hurts caused by the lack of relationship with my earthly father.  Among the many things I love about our church are the constant references we have to Our Father.  We refer to Him in many of our prayers in the liturgy and we see Him in statues and art that adorn our sacred spaces.  When I pray out-loud, you will most often hear me begin my prayers with Father, not Lord, God or Jesus, but Father.  I do that on purpose, to remind myself, and those around me, that while we may feel abandoned or let down by our fathers on earth, The Father is always with us.

The knowledge that I have a Father who is crazy about me is something I often need reminding of.  That’s why it’s disappointing to me that some people change the wording of our prayers, spoken and sung, so that instead of saying Father they say creator or another non-gender specific phrase or they simply eliminate the word Father altogether.  It’s my understanding that this is done to be inclusive of men and women.  Perhaps some feel it is a way to make up for the misogyny that has sometimes occurred in the church and in society.  To be honest, I don’t completely understand all the reasoning, but I have no doubt that the people who choose not to use “Father” and/or gender specific language do so because they think it is the most loving option.  That is certainly something I can appreciate. 

As someone who relies on God the Father and appreciates every reminder of Him to heal my broken heart and spirit, it makes me sad that someone would eliminate these references.  In the future if you are ever tempted to do so, please think of me and others like me who would not know a father if we didn’t know The Father.