Was it worth the wait?

Since I’m fairly open about my choice for chastity and my lifetime of good and bad decisions regarding romance, many people know that I made a decision to save myself for marriage.  Yes, shockingly, I was a 31-year-old virgin on the day of my wedding.  So, after the wedding, even the morning after, I got a few strange looks from friends and family who wondered, and some dared to ask, “Was it worth the wait?” Simply put…ABSOLUTELY.  It was better than I ever could have imagined.  Let me explain why.  No DetailsI’m sorry to disappoint the curious folk, but I won’t shed any details about what happened between Michael and me once we got back home on our wedding night (yep, we shared our first night in our home).  That is a treasured memory for Michael and me alone to savor, and we will…for the rest of our lives.  However, I will give you some background and blog-appropriate information that might help you understand why every day, hour, minute and second of my single years, waiting for Michael, was incredibly worth it!  No Other Dance

I love to dance and have done it quite a bit in my life, from dance classes, hundreds of dance team practices, swing dancing and randomly jiving around my house.  But, no other dance can even begin to compare with the most amazing dance of my life.  For both Michael and me, the best dance ever happened the night of our wedding, at the reception.  It wasn’t our first dance actually…it was our last.  We decided to leave the reception after one last dance together to a special song by an oldies group, The Drifters, entitled, “Save the Last Dance for Me.”  Here are some of the lyrics. 

Oh, I know, That the music's fine like sparkling wine go and have your funLaugh and sing, but while we're apart don't give your heart to anyoneBut don't forget who's taking you home, and in whose arms you're gonna beSo darlin', save the last dance for me. 

To me, this song had a deeper meaning than just saving a last dance, if you get my drift.  This song helped me wait for my husband long before I met Michael, as I tried to keep in mind that someone will be taking me home one night and in his arms I’m gonna be.  The song often brought me to tears in my 20’s as I continued to wait for those arms and the man who wanted my last “dance”.  At the reception, once Michael and I started dancing to this song, he said to me, “This is your dream.  This is my dream…now coming to fulfillment.”  Tears immediately streamed down both of our faces as we realized the magnitude of the moment, the day, the incredible gift.  No other dance could compare to what we experienced.  This just gives you a little glimpse of what was to come as the night progressed! 

No DisappointmentWhat made our wedding day and wedding night so profound for us both was the knowledge of what it meant to say our vows on the alter and then give them flesh in our bedroom.  The Church teaches, and we fully believe, that sex is meant to be a total gift of self, holding nothing back and free from fear of abandonment, heartache, gossip, being used, ghosts, comparisons.  We are certainly not perfect, but we tried to fully embrace what it meant to be a total gift to another.  What made the wedding night and honeymoon so amazing for me is not that I received Michael’s body, but that I received Michael Vento entirely: body, heart, mind and soul.  What makes me giddy and excited about our marriage is not that we can “just do it” physically.  I love our marriage and intimacy because I get to experience Michael himself and I get to be a gift to him as well.  This is where the act becomes so powerful and amazing.  I believe I have the most loving, sacrificial, intelligent, attractive, affectionate man on the planet.  I get to experience all of who he is in our marriage.  And, there is absolutely no disappointment in that!  No Way

Michael and I both have zero regrets about our choice for living chastity, but we would be liars if we gave you the impression that we accomplished living chastity perfectly or by our own strength.  We are still striving to live chastely as married people – to be a total gift to one another by not using each other or to not think of others with lustful thoughts.  And, we were striving before we married as well.  Let me share with you the two things that most helped us live it the best that we could…Theology of the Body and God’s grace.   

Individually, and as a couple, we learned so much about sex, love and marriage through John Paul’s teaching on Theology of the Body.  There is no way we would be experiencing the intimacy and power of married life like we are now without a thorough understanding of the Church’s teaching on sex.  We both knew about chastity, but Theology of the Body takes sexuality to a whole new level and allowed both of us to get excited about marriage years before we met. 

We also are reaping the rewards of chastity because God is merciful and abounding in grace.  Through frequently receiving the sacraments of Reconciliation and the Eucharist, as well as through our own prayer life, God gave us daily strength and perseverance.  We are both weak sinners and fools and can only thank God when we look at all the amazing things we experience in our relationship.  If we tried to live this lifestyle on our own, we both know that we’d fail.  But, God gave us the Holy Spirit and His Son Jesus – for which we are eternally grateful. 

So, yes, striving to live chastity for all these years, saving ourselves for one another, was absolutely worth it!  God’s plan is so far above our best-laid intentions and dreams.  I cannot wait to see what else He has in store for me because I have learned that there is no disappointment when we give ourselves to God.

To learn more about Theology of the Body, check out Christopher West’s website.