We Were Wrong - Terribly Wrong

I recently harassed a fellow team member for using American foreign policy in one of his testimonies, but here I am about to do something similar. I suppose my history degree is coming in handy today!

Grudges

Most of us have our favorite grudges. As Christians, we know we are meant to forgive. Even in the Lord’s Prayer we ask God to forgive us as much as we forgive others. But, we still struggle. Probably my biggest grudge is against Lambert Airport. Due to the expansion efforts, my family lost a lot. My house in the Carrollton subdivision of Bridgeton was the only home I knew from birth to age 23 when I officially moved out. It was perfect for us – my parents even did renovations so they could retire in this home. One of my favorite memories is how every Christmas season, my sister and I enjoyed our own special secret hiding place – a big cabinet above the stairs, which had been emptied of all the decorations. We wrote on the walls. One thing I wrote was a message to whatever family would be living our home in 2050. No one ever read that message but us.

However, if the loss were merely a home, it wouldn’t be so bad. But, most of our family friends lived in that subdivision – now they are scattered, some living in states far away. We also lost our church, St. Lawrence the Martyr, where I received all my sacraments of initiation. We lost the neighborhood pool where I played as a kid (every day some summers) and worked at for eight years as a lifeguard and swim instructor. We lost the public elementary school my sister and I attended and where my dad worked for over thirty years. He helped to build the gymnasium, playground and pavilion. We also lost the parks where we would go to day camp, play and sled. Most memories of my childhood are wrapped up in this amazing community - a place where I will never be able raise, or even show, my own children.

They were wrong!

Some grudges remain simply because we have attitude; others exist because we know the other party was clearly wrong. In this case, few people who know the details of the plan will argue to the contrary – this airport expansion was wrong. I spoke with a pilot recently who said the pilots think it’s a huge waste of money. The expansion was done primarily to create an all-weather runway, and yet for some reason they couldn’t build one - so now we have just another runway for a not-so-busy airport. This article describes some of the many errors in the expansion. Even if expansion was necessary to bring more airlines into the area, Illinois provided Mid-America airport with plenty of space to continually expand and a Metrolink to take you from one airport to another. It was greed—a nice, big project to employ thousands of Missourians for a few years—and other major political issues (can’t explain them all here) that gives St. Louis a brand new runway and put 3 churches, 4 parks, 3 schools and over 2000 homes in a pile of dirt. Am I justified in my anger? You betcha!

Terribly wrong…

As I was driving and praying the other day, I thought of the Robert McNamara’s book, “In Retrospect”. He was Secretary of Defense during the conflict in Vietnam and openly admits in the book that the U.S. government made major errors in escalating this conflict and staying as long as we did. In the preface, he writes, “We were wrong, terribly wrong.” At first glance, this statement might seem to be healing – apologies can tend to help us let go. On the other hand, how must this statement affect the families of the 58,000 Americans lost? How painful for the mothers, sisters, brides, husbands of all the fatalities to hear that their loved one could still be alive. Do these people deserve to be justified in their anger, hurt and loss? Absolutely.

For our biggest grudge, most of us have every reason to be angry. Certainly those who have been through sexual abuse, families falling apart, natural disasters, and other atrocities should know that they’ve been wronged – they have the right to complain. Even those who have been through the loss or merge of a parish can compile a long list of why things should have been different, how much they lost or how much it has affected them. We have a right to our hurt and logical justifications. However, clinging tightly to the pain and frustration doesn’t erase the problem and rarely does it even inflict pain back on the ones who hurt us.

What Can We Do?

During that one car ride, while praying, God connected my grudge with the immense and righteous pain of those who experienced loss from Vietnam. Whether someone in power apologizes for mistakes or not, we’re both justified in our anger. Yet, in comparing myself with the families impacted by Vietnam, I realized that forgiveness is the only way out. If the loved ones of lost soldiers never forgive, they’ll be caught back in the atrocity – reliving the hurt, pain, anger and “wrong” of it all. If I want to let go of the dirt of the expansion, the choice is mine. I can stay in it, pout and be purely justified. But, I know I wasn’t created to hang out in dirt, and humans weren’t created for war – against nations or within our hearts. Forgiving doesn't mean we believe what took place is okay - it'll never be okay. Forgiveness simply means that we no longer hold onto the hurt. Forgiving (not forgetting) the airport and the politicians behind its expansion is the only way to be the person God created me to be. It’s the only way to start the healing process and find freedom.

Today, I pray for all those dealing with the loss of loved ones – whether it was from a war years ago, or very recently, or from something completely different. Especially during the holiday season, missing someone dear to you is tragic. I also pray for all of us who have been hurt and have every right to be angry because of the loss of a home, parish or relationship, gossip or being picked on for no reason. As we seek divine assistance to truly forgive and let go of that one big grudge, may we become more like the source of perfect mercy. Jesus, please give us your heart, a heart full of forgiveness, even when “…they know not what they do.”