my stupid fake happy self

Not too long ago, I received an email from a young woman who was brutally honest with me. She’d been struggling with quite a few things - relationships with friends, relationships with key adults in her life, questioning the existence of God, and even cutting herself. I was really struck by one of the lines from her note to me, which read, “I have so much fun when I am being my stupid fake happy self…”

Can you relate to that? There is a part of me that can, for sure. I call it my fallen nature – the part of me that wants to take the easy way out, make selfish choices, choose pleasure over real love, and ignore how God wants me to grow up.

And yet, this young woman was aware (as I hope we all are) that being fake is a huge problem. I am fond of saying, in a talk I give on Confirmation retreats, that we can either

1. hang out with mask-free people, which will make us aware of how fake we are or
2. hang out with fake people all the time, and be ‘happily fake together’

Which one do you want? A wise friend of mine once said, “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” See, our choice of friends greatly influences our ability to be mask-free. Personally, I’ve decided to surround myself on a regular basis with people who have my permission to encourage me to move beyond my masks and become the man God created me to be. Some of these people are my accountability brothers in my men’s prayer group, my co-workers, and my wife for life.

I’ve learned that the choices I make every day affect my ability to be at peace now, but also set a pattern for my future. Am I choosing to be real or fake? Honest or dishonest? At peace or not?

The poet Robert Frost once wrote, “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” Now, trying to live a healthy and honest life is not easy; it is hard to keep an open heart and try to be a mask-free person. It is the road less traveled. But, it is good, and so worth it. It is what God wants me to do, and God does help me as I try to live this kind of life.

A bonus is that we can end up being a role model and inspiration to others. When we choose to be mask-free, others notice, and want to be like us. That is an awesome responsibility, but it is true.

I wonder - when we look back on our lives, when we are old and gray, will we be people who –

1. made the easy choice to be “our stupid, fake, happy selves”? or
2. made the difficult choices to find our true identities, becoming the people God created us to be?